Thank you for your likes :)

Once I wrote my previous post on toxic people an interesting thing happened – the people who bothered me and in a way inspired me to write the post went away.  What happened? Have they read my post? Have they recognised themselves and changed their behaviour? Well, that is very unlikely – although one never knows.

I think what really happened was that once I wrote my problem down on paper – my mind was able to take a distance and dissolve it. Of course those people are still there but somehow our paths don’t cross or their poison does not pierce my shield. At least for now. I can definitely say that by writing down my feelings, I was able to let it go and direct my attention on other things. Moreover the response I have received made me realise that other people facing very similar challenges.

My main takeaway from this experience is:

  1. don’t keep your feeling bottled up inside and share them in a way that is easiest for you
  2. draw strength from others who went through similar experiences
  3. don’t accept the status quo and think of different ways you can change it
  4. talk to experts
  5. take a look at the problem from a distance

And remember – there is no shame in feeling down, alone or different!!!

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On toxic people and on being yourself

This is an unusual topic for me but it maybe useful for some of my readers.  I am just putting few thoughts on the paper about toxic people and how to deal with them. Mainly because I came across few of them quite recently.

One of the decisions I have made few years ago was that I will be myself – not pretending anything and not playing social games. I feel lot more balanced and happier within myself. I stress lot less and I worry about things lot less. Lots of weight is off my shoulders as I care lot less what the others think or what they might think. So that is the good part.

However, not everyone likes it. And yes, I can confirm: “You can be yourself (as is promoted by so many influencers), but there is a cost.” You need to ask yourself if you are willing to bear the cost. Because – you will meet toxic people – there is no doubt about it. And they will test you and your decision. They will laugh at you, to your face or behind your back. They will try to make a little ‘haters’ group and laugh on your account.

It has been my recent experience and I can’t say I am above it. But it is not something that will overshadow everything I have achieved or I am achieving. It does make me sad if anything. If you are in the similar situation, realising the following may help you:

  1. There will always be one person (or more) that is toxic. They will pop up sooner or later. Simply because you can’t be loved by all. No matter how hard you try. So accept this as a fact and don’t be paralysed by this when you come across people like that. You will already know, that they have to come your way and you will be ready.
  2. Remind yourself that toxic people are that way for deeper reasons (which you can’t fix). Simply because the reasons come from deeper layers within them and were formed for many years throughout their childhood to their adulthood. It took many painful experience on their part to become that way. And although logically you would expect them to be nice (because they know very well what it feels like when some is horrible to someone) – most of them are not able to do it. They cannot leave that shadow behind and rather are consumed by it.
  3. What helps me when I meet people like that – is to imagine them as kids. What happened to this kid standing in front of you? Why he/she has to act that way? Do they suffer from lack of love? Was their self-confidence badly undermined? Were they ignored and ridiculed by people who were meant to give them unconditional love? I assure you, the answer is yes. People who grew up in love don’t feel the need to be toxic. They do not see any reason for it and they don’t get any pleasure from laughing at others. And that brings me to the next point.
  4. Toxic people get pleasure from hating on others. The pleasure gets even stronger if they find like-minded people who will chime in. And yes, it sucks that it is you who they are laughing at. But know this. That feeling they get from it, is very temporary. It is a brief moment. It will never bring them long-term satisfaction because the black hole in them is getting bigger every time they try to hurt someone. It is a paradox but they themselves have to realise this in order to close that big black space inside them. It is their journey. For you, it is enough just to know that. It is not really about you. It is about them. Their emptiness inside them. The beast that they have to feed but the beast that is never satisfied. The beast that will eat them up or the beast they have to defeat one day.
  5. We always think:”Oh there must be something wrong with me, if they are hating on me. ” However, it is exactly the opposite. Toxic people have a deep rooted problem. It is so deep that it gets outside their inner world and effects the environment around them.

What I do when I come across toxic people: I stay away. I don’t play their game. I don’t socialise with them.  I don’t pretend I like them. I stay polite and I try to be neutral. I don’t want to be pulled into their game and hate them back. That leads nowhere. At the same time I strengthen my own circle of people, who are there for me. I do things that make me happy. I think positive and creative thoughts. I socialise with people I can trust. And I try to lear from it all. I know it is not easy but I know that it can be done…

I wish you luck, strength and happiness dear friends 🙂

 

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Things that might look very complicated can have very simple explanation

Intermittent Fasting 3

The most frustrating  thing about this is that I keep on reading how it helped almost everybody who tried it. I honestly cannot say that my weight dropped off or that I feel whole lot better or healthier. It seems to me that things that work for others just don’t for me….anyway enough of crying!

I am sticking to my schedule. Four days I keep 16/8 and three days 14/10. I have reduced sugars to minimum. When I have a major craving I have a Greek yogurt with a little bit of honey and some almonds. I have reduced wheat products – that must help for sure right?

I had some digestive issues which started with the 16/8 schedule. I decided to carry on despite this but was more gentle when breaking my fast. Started with bit of fruit or bowl of clear soup before eating my main meal. Also I loaded up on yogurt with Bifidus and pickled vegetables. Tried some probiotics as well. I have heard that if you don’t eat, your body focuses on the repairing processes – so maybe this is what was happening. I feel better now. The digestive issues are lot better although not completely gone.

Now, the most important thing. Did I loose any weight since I started in April? About 2 kgs. That is my book is nothing because I know I can put back on really easily. Do I feel better, healthier? No not really. I think it is the detox that I do makes real difference. So any improvement what so ever? There is one and quite interesting. I used to have bulging, hard stomach that sometimes reminded me of a basketball. It was always there not matter what. I was thinking if I am bloated all the time or if it is just fat. Well, I still have the stomach but it is somehow deflated and is softer. It does not feel that hard. If I am not deluding myself, I would say that it is smaller and less noticeable – especially when I wear clothes. So not much change on the scales but slight change on the appearance. I will keep on going as I have nothing to loose and of course, will keep you posted 🙂

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Vegan Burger

Update on my mother

My mother – thanks God is still with us. She is maintaining reasonable lifestyle and is relatively happy. However, the chemo made her arthritis worse. As a result she is not very mobile and stays at home most of the times. If she goes out, it is only for short walks. She needs a stick to support herself and lost confidence to do longer walks. She stopped taking most of the supplements and I suspect that she is back to her old diet – which is mostly vegetarian but does not include much of fresh veg. Psychologically it is not so wonderful – up and down. So all in all we are happy she is still with us but the quality of her life is not that fabulous. I think the main problem is that she is slipping in the old lifestyle – she always wants to help and do everything for everyone and tries to do it even now. That means her own wellbeing is not her priority anymore.

If I would make one note to anyone reading this – it would be – don’t go back to your old ways. Make changes for better and stick to them. Stay focused on yourself. Don’t try to save other others all the time, don’t try to be perfect, don’t be scared of not being perfect and be more selfish. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for your family. Instead thrive and they will thrive with you. At the end – everybody will benefit from your strength although in a different way than you imagined. The household can wait, kids and husbands can be more independent than you think 🙂 Good luck to everyone xxx

Update: I have noticed more visitors coming to read this post. What I want to say is this – stay focused on yourself and think about your life in a great detail. What can you change? Make the changes today and don’t put them off – like giving up sugar, upping greens, taking more rest. Delegate things that you do for others – share the tasks. You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders. My mum always felt guilty about resting or even about thinking about herself and her needs – don’t do this! This is your life and no one is going to live it for you.

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What I do to stop hair loss

One thing that worked for me over the years was a nettle extract. I have experienced increased hair fall during certain periods of my life.  First time was during my teenage years. I did not think much of it as it was not so obvious. My did try few things. Cut my hair short and used some herbal hair tonics. It lasted probably year or so and I forgot all about it. The second time I have experienced more noticeable hair loss was during my pregnancies. By then I have suspected that this is due to the hormonal changes. Again I have used hair tonics and tried to be more gentle to my hair. I bought a good brush, did not wear tight pony tails, used herbal shampoos and and avoided hair colour. It also stopped and I did not have to think about hair loss for a while. Until now.

I have noticed my hair is started to get thinner and is falling out more easily. As I have experienced this before I did make the connection with the hormonal changes straight away. I take it like a message from my body that says: “pay attention to your hair”. And I try. Unfortunately I cannot get the hair tonic that I have used years ago as they do not produce it any more. I have tried some other shampoos, hair masks and tonics but unfortunately they did not work. I remembered that my step father used to rinse his hair with nettle extract. When he was in his 30’s his hair started fall more significantly and got really worried. He did go to see doctor and a skin specialist. They gave him some specialized shampoos but they did not make much difference. He was really miserable. To us it was funny because he still had full head of black hair and nobody would guess his problem. My granny was a very kind soul and she always took all problems to her heart. She has talked to her friend – an experienced herbalist – and he had a simple advice:”Buy nettle, boil it in a water like a tea and when finished washing your hair, rinse them with it.” Granny hesitated to tell my step father because he was not into that stuff at all. He was and engineer and did not like any “mambo jumbo” like herb cures etc. He would often make fun of these things and did not ever consider them as an option. However, when he run out of all his options he thought he will give it try. Granny got a pack of dry nettle that would last for a month. At first nothing was happening. We stopped asking him about the results and got bored with making jokes about it. It was only when has similar problem with hair falling out I remembered this. My step father has a full head of hair even now. Although he is mostly grey, he is not bald and does not have any balding patches. To my surprise he did tell me that ever since my granny advised him on the nettle extract he uses it religiously. Ideally ever two weeks or at least once a month. He keeps on buying dry nettle leaves for more then thirty years!

I was amazed and decided to give it try. Where I live nettle is not a common herb and the only nettle I was able to get were tea bags. But anyways, it is still a nettle right? I have boiled 2 sachets in a liter of a water and when it cooled down I used it as a rinse. I have done that once a week for about a month. And the result? My hat goes off to this wonderful herb! The hair fall reduced after 2 weeks and then stopped after one month. I was delighted! It worked. I did not think that after so many years I will find an answer literally on my doorstep.

One important note though. The rinse is quite dark and can stain your bathtub. The extract is not strong enough to colour the hair. At least I did not notice any change in colour [I have dark brown hair]. Sometimes I am too busy or too lazy to prepare the nettle rinse and usually within a month the hair fall increases again. That means that nettle does not cure but it reduces or stops the hair loss temporarily.

Boil 1 liter of water. Add 2 sachets of nettle tea. Let it stand until lukewarm. Use as a last step when washing your hair. Rinse hair and gently massage in. Do not rinse with water. Repeat twice a week for at least one month to see results.

I should add that the nettle tea is usually recommended to beat tiredness and to clean blood. Many herbalists believe that nettle is better for the body than coffee. Unfortunately I do not like the taste of it. To me it is bit too grassy so  I am sticking to a good cuppa of coffee…

Update: 2019 – Zinc supplement seems to help.

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