Long time ago I wrote about toxic people – so do I meet them now when I work remotely?
And to keep the long story short – yes, I do. They are still there. Sometimes even more toxic than during the ‘face to face’ contact. But, and this is a big BUT, I moved away significantly. There impact on my life is minimal. I am not saying that I totally don’t care. I do – but only for about several minutes. Once I get over the initial ‘shock’, I remind myself quickly – I know why they are like this, why they are doing it and I know that I don’t want to give them my energy – literally.
Getting to this point, took me a while. Had to go through several cycles but each cycle was shorter and shorter. And now – I don’t care ( apart those first 5 minutes which I was not able to eliminate, yet). I realised that overcoming the effect of toxic people does not happen quickly – at least for me. I do have a tendency overanalyse things and replaying thing in my head.
What is my takeaway from all this? I cannot influence the toxic people – I cannot make them to be less toxic but I can stop or significantly reduce their influence. It can be done. Hurray!
Once I wrote my previous post on toxic people an interesting thing happened – the people who bothered me and in a way inspired me to write the post went away. What happened? Have they read my post? Have they recognised themselves and changed their behaviour? Well, that is very unlikely – although one never knows.
I think what really happened was that once I wrote my problem down on paper – my mind was able to take a distance and dissolve it. Of course those people are still there but somehow our paths don’t cross or their poison does not pierce my shield. At least for now. I can definitely say that by writing down my feelings, I was able to let it go and direct my attention on other things. Moreover the response I have received made me realise that other people facing very similar challenges.
My main takeaway from this experience is:
don’t keep your feeling bottled up inside and share them in a way that is easiest for you
draw strength from others who went through similar experiences
don’t accept the status quo and think of different ways you can change it
talk to experts
take a look at the problem from a distance
And remember – there is no shame in feeling down, alone or different!!!