Once I wrote my previous post on toxic people an interesting thing happened – the people who bothered me and in a way inspired me to write the post went away. What happened? Have they read my post? Have they recognised themselves and changed their behaviour? Well, that is very unlikely – although one never knows.
I think what really happened was that once I wrote my problem down on paper – my mind was able to take a distance and dissolve it. Of course those people are still there but somehow our paths don’t cross or their poison does not pierce my shield. At least for now. I can definitely say that by writing down my feelings, I was able to let it go and direct my attention on other things. Moreover the response I have received made me realise that other people facing very similar challenges.
My main takeaway from this experience is:
don’t keep your feeling bottled up inside and share them in a way that is easiest for you
draw strength from others who went through similar experiences
don’t accept the status quo and think of different ways you can change it
talk to experts
take a look at the problem from a distance
And remember – there is no shame in feeling down, alone or different!!!
This is an unusual topic for me but it maybe useful for some of my readers. I am just putting few thoughts on the paper about toxic people and how to deal with them. Mainly because I came across few of them quite recently.
One of the decisions I have made few years ago was that I will be myself – not pretending anything and not playing social games. I feel lot more balanced and happier within myself. I stress lot less and I worry about things lot less. Lots of weight is off my shoulders as I care lot less what the others think or what they might think. So that is the good part.
However, not everyone likes it. And yes, I can confirm: “You can be yourself (as is promoted by so many influencers), but there is a cost.” You need to ask yourself if you are willing to bear the cost. Because – you will meet toxic people – there is no doubt about it. And they will test you and your decision. They will laugh at you, to your face or behind your back. They will try to make a little ‘haters’ group and laugh on your account.
It has been my recent experience and I can’t say I am above it. But it is not something that will overshadow everything I have achieved or I am achieving. It does make me sad if anything. If you are in the similar situation, realising the following may help you:
There will always be one person (or more) that is toxic. They will pop up sooner or later. Simply because you can’t be loved by all. No matter how hard you try. So accept this as a fact and don’t be paralysed by this when you come across people like that. You will already know, that they have to come your way and you will be ready.
Remind yourself that toxic people are that way for deeper reasons (which you can’t fix). Simply because the reasons come from deeper layers within them and were formed for many years throughout their childhood to their adulthood. It took many painful experience on their part to become that way. And although logically you would expect them to be nice (because they know very well what it feels like when some is horrible to someone) – most of them are not able to do it. They cannot leave that shadow behind and rather are consumed by it.
What helps me when I meet people like that – is to imagine them as kids. What happened to this kid standing in front of you? Why he/she has to act that way? Do they suffer from lack of love? Was their self-confidence badly undermined? Were they ignored and ridiculed by people who were meant to give them unconditional love? I assure you, the answer is yes. People who grew up in love don’t feel the need to be toxic. They do not see any reason for it and they don’t get any pleasure from laughing at others. And that brings me to the next point.
Toxic people get pleasure from hating on others. The pleasure gets even stronger if they find like-minded people who will chime in. And yes, it sucks that it is you who they are laughing at. But know this. That feeling they get from it, is very temporary. It is a brief moment. It will never bring them long-term satisfaction because the black hole in them is getting bigger every time they try to hurt someone. It is a paradox but they themselves have to realise this in order to close that big black space inside them. It is their journey. For you, it is enough just to know that. It is not really about you. It is about them. Their emptiness inside them. The beast that they have to feed but the beast that is never satisfied. The beast that will eat them up or the beast they have to defeat one day.
We always think:”Oh there must be something wrong with me, if they are hating on me. ” However, it is exactly the opposite. Toxic people have a deep rooted problem. It is so deep that it gets outside their inner world and effects the environment around them.
What I do when I come across toxic people: I stay away. I don’t play their game. I don’t socialise with them. I don’t pretend I like them. I stay polite and I try to be neutral. I don’t want to be pulled into their game and hate them back. That leads nowhere. At the same time I strengthen my own circle of people, who are there for me. I do things that make me happy. I think positive and creative thoughts. I socialise with people I can trust. And I try to lear from it all. I know it is not easy but I know that it can be done…
I wish you luck, strength and happiness dear friends 🙂
I tried to prepare meals for many times before and for some reason – I could not make a habit out of it. But I was desperate to save some time in the morning and I decided to try at least prepare clothes for the whole week and save some time like that. (I do have some changes at work and I am desperate for more time.) So instead of the meal prep I do – clothes prep. On the weekend I prepare a whole week wardrobe and I don’t have to worry about it in the mornings or evenings. It really helped! It saves me about 10 minutes. It’s not much, I know…but in the morning every minute counts especially because I am not a morning person.
At least it’s a start. Small steps right? I think meal prep is the next step and if it saves me another 10 minutes, I can look forward to a less hectic and more Zen mornings 🙂
This is a very short post. One thing that always troubled me were pores. They always seemed too big and with blackheads. I tried everything. Numerous masks from shops and homemade as well. Usually their effect was very short lived. So my misery continued. Always when I went to the beautician for eyebrow shaping she would comment on my pores suggesting a facial. I knew facial will not help and I was saying to myself that she is probably just trying to promote the facial and get extra customer.
Anyway, what finally helped me were pore strips. They are usually Japan or Korean made. I could not believe they will deliver – and they did! Since then I don’t look back. The effect lasts 2-3 weeks and my nose looks pore less. You can imagine how happy I am…so I am spreading the knowledge to others…Such a simple thing and such a big difference 🙂
Update: 2019 My pores are clean and I am feeling good about it. I wish I knew about this earlier. I recall all the embarrassing moments when the beautician noted to me that I need facial…
I know I have been writing about gums in last few posts. I think the doctor who treated my grandmother started it. He said to us that we need to look after the gums as the bacteria from inflmated gums can spread to the body and can even lead to heart attack. I never made that connection and it was quite revealing. Since then I try to keep my gums in optimal health – hence so much focus. One of the products I use for bleeding gums is mouthwash called Corsodyl. It is a quick fix. But again, it will not heal the gums. That is a long process and as the doctor said – the healthy gums are the key to the healthy body.
In my notebook I have about 50 ways how to use baking soda. Over the years I got to
try several of them. I always have a pack of baking soda at home as I use it for baking quite often. The other times I use it are as follows:
Getting rid of stains – I mix a teaspoon of baking soda with a teaspoon of water and then I put the mixture onto the stain. If the stain is bigger, I make a bigger amount and cover the stain completely. I keep it working for about an hour and then I wipe it with a damp cloth. If the stain is still there I repeat the process. This helped me to clean stains inside the bathtub and stains on some plastic toys. I am not sure if it will help you to get rid of the stains from some other materials.
Teeth whitening – again I mix a teaspoon of baking soda and a teaspoon of water to make a paste. Then I use it same as I would toothpaste. When brushing I try to avoid gums as the baking soda can be abrasive and works like peeling. I have read that it may irritate gums if used too often. I did not have that experience but I don’t do this more often then once a month. I would therefore caution anybody with sensitive teeth/gums to do that more often. Also when brushing your teeth do not rub the teeth with a great force. I used this technique when I was a student and did not have money to buy expensive whitening products. It is a great temporary solution.
Getting rid of odor – I use it for example after the place has been painted and I can still smell the fresh paint. I put a bowl filed with baking soda into the corner of the room and usually it neutralizes the smell.Similarly with smells inside the fridge or cupboard.
Baking soda is that is very cheap, easy to get and kinder to the environment than chemical products. There are many more uses but I have mentioned only those that worked for me 🙂
In our region the winter is slowly easing off. It is a lovely time of the year. Air is fresher and fragrant and everybody seems to be relieved the cold days are over.
Recently the changes in weather were more obvious and changes in temperature more abrupt. I try to build my immunity as much as I can during this time. If I don’t have time for spring detox, I at least take several little steps. First, I up my Vitamin C intake. I have noticed that the vitamins I get from fruits at this time of the year are not sufficient. Therefore I supplement with Vitamin C. I choose any natural brand and take it whenever I feel I might come down with a cold. With that I take a tablet of Zinc. Again only when I feel bit weak.
The Zinc tablets were recommended to me long time ago by my favorite homeopath. When I told him I am on a vegetarian diet he recommended a course of Zinc in a liquid form. During those days I suffered from sore throats and colds and basically my immunity was very low. The Zinc really made me more resistant and since then I supplement it during the flu season. With Zinc and Vitamin C I also have some fruits with high Vitamin C content. I always loved strawberries and oranges but recently I have found that kiwis work best for me. When I am not well, I slice one or two ripe kiwis and eat them as a snack. I am convinced they help me to stay healthy! So that is my first line of defense. I also drink a lot’s warm or hot water sometimes with lemon or a teaspoon of Apple Vinegar. Usually this simple routine helps me to get through the spring without any cold. Let me know what works for you 🙂