Thank you for your likes :)

Once I wrote my previous post on toxic people an interesting thing happened – the people who bothered me and in a way inspired me to write the post went away.  What happened? Have they read my post? Have they recognised themselves and changed their behaviour? Well, that is very unlikely – although one never knows.

I think what really happened was that once I wrote my problem down on paper – my mind was able to take a distance and dissolve it. Of course those people are still there but somehow our paths don’t cross or their poison does not pierce my shield. At least for now. I can definitely say that by writing down my feelings, I was able to let it go and direct my attention on other things. Moreover the response I have received made me realise that other people facing very similar challenges.

My main takeaway from this experience is:

  1. don’t keep your feeling bottled up inside and share them in a way that is easiest for you
  2. draw strength from others who went through similar experiences
  3. don’t accept the status quo and think of different ways you can change it
  4. talk to experts
  5. take a look at the problem from a distance

And remember – there is no shame in feeling down, alone or different!!!

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On toxic people and on being yourself

This is an unusual topic for me but it maybe useful for some of my readers.  I am just putting few thoughts on the paper about toxic people and how to deal with them. Mainly because I came across few of them quite recently.

One of the decisions I have made few years ago was that I will be myself – not pretending anything and not playing social games. I feel lot more balanced and happier within myself. I stress lot less and I worry about things lot less. Lots of weight is off my shoulders as I care lot less what the others think or what they might think. So that is the good part.

However, not everyone likes it. And yes, I can confirm: “You can be yourself (as is promoted by so many influencers), but there is a cost.” You need to ask yourself if you are willing to bear the cost. Because – you will meet toxic people – there is no doubt about it. And they will test you and your decision. They will laugh at you, to your face or behind your back. They will try to make a little ‘haters’ group and laugh on your account.

It has been my recent experience and I can’t say I am above it. But it is not something that will overshadow everything I have achieved or I am achieving. It does make me sad if anything. If you are in the similar situation, realising the following may help you:

  1. There will always be one person (or more) that is toxic. They will pop up sooner or later. Simply because you can’t be loved by all. No matter how hard you try. So accept this as a fact and don’t be paralysed by this when you come across people like that. You will already know, that they have to come your way and you will be ready.
  2. Remind yourself that toxic people are that way for deeper reasons (which you can’t fix). Simply because the reasons come from deeper layers within them and were formed for many years throughout their childhood to their adulthood. It took many painful experience on their part to become that way. And although logically you would expect them to be nice (because they know very well what it feels like when some is horrible to someone) – most of them are not able to do it. They cannot leave that shadow behind and rather are consumed by it.
  3. What helps me when I meet people like that – is to imagine them as kids. What happened to this kid standing in front of you? Why he/she has to act that way? Do they suffer from lack of love? Was their self-confidence badly undermined? Were they ignored and ridiculed by people who were meant to give them unconditional love? I assure you, the answer is yes. People who grew up in love don’t feel the need to be toxic. They do not see any reason for it and they don’t get any pleasure from laughing at others. And that brings me to the next point.
  4. Toxic people get pleasure from hating on others. The pleasure gets even stronger if they find like-minded people who will chime in. And yes, it sucks that it is you who they are laughing at. But know this. That feeling they get from it, is very temporary. It is a brief moment. It will never bring them long-term satisfaction because the black hole in them is getting bigger every time they try to hurt someone. It is a paradox but they themselves have to realise this in order to close that big black space inside them. It is their journey. For you, it is enough just to know that. It is not really about you. It is about them. Their emptiness inside them. The beast that they have to feed but the beast that is never satisfied. The beast that will eat them up or the beast they have to defeat one day.
  5. We always think:”Oh there must be something wrong with me, if they are hating on me. ” However, it is exactly the opposite. Toxic people have a deep rooted problem. It is so deep that it gets outside their inner world and effects the environment around them.

What I do when I come across toxic people: I stay away. I don’t play their game. I don’t socialise with them.  I don’t pretend I like them. I stay polite and I try to be neutral. I don’t want to be pulled into their game and hate them back. That leads nowhere. At the same time I strengthen my own circle of people, who are there for me. I do things that make me happy. I think positive and creative thoughts. I socialise with people I can trust. And I try to lear from it all. I know it is not easy but I know that it can be done…

I wish you luck, strength and happiness dear friends 🙂

 

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Things that might look very complicated can have very simple explanation